This morning I read from my Sarah Young book. It was a tough read for me.
It states that God has created this day in my life. Well…..this day is hard for me. I woke up in pain, took a shower hoping the hot water would loosen my joints and ease the pain so I could walk more easily. I took my pain meds, limped into the kitchen for coffee then sat down to read in hopes of feeling some inspiration for the day. As you can tell, I did not have the best attitude.
“No matter what your circumstances may be, you can find joy in my presence”. Let me just be real and tell you I did not feel the joy at this moment. I felt pain! I am homesick, I miss my boys, I miss my friends and family. I feel the strain of the journey. You better believe I told God all about it. Which is dumb because he already knew.
The writer goes on to remind me that God totally understands what I am feeling and he is with me even when I don’t feel it. He will never leave me.
And then the tears came…..the release I needed. The reminder that he is still there, that this too shall pass. This is a dark season for me, a painful one, but still only a season. As I let the emotion wash through me, my peace began to return.
I am reminded that the pain and discomfort is a sign of progress. One of the nurses told me in the beginning that as the radiation went on and the cells began to die my body would begin to fight against it. She said the tumor and cells around it would become angry and inflamed. Ha! Apparently, that thing is mad as hell right now!! It’s throwing a tantrum and making sure I know it. Ironically, that is something I should feel joy about! It means the treatment is doing what it should!
As I begin to feel a calmness that comes from his presence…..and the pain meds kick in, I begin to settle down. I am reminded of all the men and women and children fighting Cancer on this day along with me. Many who are feeling much worse then me.
My God has power over all of this! I cannot back down from the fight, I cannot give in and let this ruin my day. With his strength, I will find some joy in today.