I am a planner, I like to know what is going to happen, I like to map out the steps, the timeline, the process. I make lists, I write out notes on dates in my calendar, etc. Not because I am that organized but because I have to. I have ADD. I know this because my son has it and as we were discovering this years ago, I saw myself in every struggle and every challenge he faced. We worked with a therapist for a while and I began to apply the behavioral skills he was learning to my own life. Things like; pick 3 tasks and go do them then check them off, then pick 3 more. Another was to write down the plan for your week. What tests do you have, when are your sports practices and games, what time will you get up, take your shower, go to bed. As I witnessed my child exhibit less stress and begin to thrive with his new skills, I did as well. LOL! At times, I struggled with it more than he did. Over time, these things became habit and the sense of order became something I needed to function at a high level. I mean, I can still be a hot mess but oddly…. there is a plan.

Fast forward to these last few months and especially this week. When it comes to all of what I just explained, I have gone rogue!! Yep, off the reservation, completely flying by the seat over here. Not my choice but life and cancer and circumstances have shredded my little playlist! And you know what….. it’s ok! I will eventually get back on track but for now I am learning a valuable lesson…….Let Go and Let God!

This week alone I have gone from having a little breakdown in the ER at GHS to some pretty great things happening yesterday when visiting my doctor at Duke. If you read my post from the weekend, you know I had to have a drain put in. Yesterday, Dr. Brigman removed the drain and a few of my stitches. The scary part of this is that he then proceeded to teach my husband how to pack the open wound with gauze and how to remove the gauze daily and repack. Thankfully, he pointed out to Todd that removing the gauze from my body was not to be done as if you were starting a lawn mower. Wait, What? The great part is that I don’t have to carry that bag around anymore.

My doctor also told me that I could begin putting weight on my right leg and slowly get away from using the walker. Of course, I thought I would be able to walk out of there all on my own with no help. Nice try, Melissa!! I very quickly realized that side of my body was not ready to go from 0 to 100. Still, I am slowly beginning to hobble around on my own little by little. Overall, the wound and my strength will still take a few months to heal but progress was made. They put a wrist band on me yesterday while at Duke that said “fall risk”, Todd thinks I should wear this at all times. Isn’t he funny?!

And THE MOST WONDERFUL AMAZING part. Dr. Brigman gave me a copy of my pathology report that states that the mass removed contained completely clear margins! I am FREE OF CANCER! Hallelujah & Praise the Lord! You could visibly see the sigh of relief from me and Todd. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. We praised God and said prayers of thankfulness while in the car coming home. By the way, this is another of the beautiful gifts that has come out of this struggle. Todd and I have not only grown so much closer to one another as a married couple but more than that, we have grown closer spiritually. We now read my devotion together in the mornings, we pray in front of one another and together. I count this as one of the greatest blessings this experience has given us. There are no words to convey the gratitude in my heart for the way Todd has walked through this with me and taken care of me.

I also could never adequately express the power, strength and blessings that have come from the thoughts and prayers and messages of our family, friends and those who follow my little blog. THIS is what it is all about!! THIS IS WHAT GOD HAS CALLED ALL OF US TO DO MOST OF ALL……LOVE ONE ANOTHER! I pray everyday that I never ever loose sight of this and that I have the opportunity to be as much a blessing to others as you have all been to me. Pay it forward!

So, my only plan for the next few days, the only list I have, the only notes on my calendar revolve around enjoying precious time with family and friends. Celebrating the birth of Christ, our Lord and making cherished memories!

For my post image today, I am sharing our family Christmas card. From my family to yours, we wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas! 🎄

3 Comments on Not my plan….

  1. Hallelujah is right! Wonderful news for the New Year. You are an inspiration to all of us and definitely Paying It Forward. Your sharing has motivated me; already making new plans for 2019 but not necessarily a list! You have touched my “heart” again today! Love ya! Mad

  2. Merry Christmas Melissa. Enjoy this time with your family. I hope to see you back on your feet, really back on your feet soon. Take care.

  3. Melissa, I love reading your posts and I relate so well to everything you say. The words, “you have cancer” changes everything. While it was one of the worst times of my life, there were so many good things that came from it and you describe them exactly. So many perspectives in life change, family and friends are our greatest gift, prayers are lifted, our faith strengthens and we know our heavenly Father will never leave us or forsake us. You are a warrior and I know you will come out of this a stronger person. Tears of joy came when I read “cancer free”. Hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas. Love you sweet friend!!

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