That is what life can feel like sometimes, a rollercoaster. My journey with Cancer has been no different. As I ride the highs and lows, twists and turns, I am reminded that though our faith may be shaken at times, God is in control.
As most of you know, I was declared cancer free after my surgery in December to remove a softball size Sarcoma mass. The recovery process has been long with my incision opening up. It is still healing and Todd continues to pack and dress the wound every day. However, I have become stronger and more independent. I felt that I was rounding the bend…finally.
So you can imagine our surprise when the doctor walked into the room during my visit at Duke last week and began to explain that my CT revealed 3 nodules in my lungs that had him “very worried”. Yep! Talk about a twist….. My heart dropped. Back when we first learned that I had Sarcoma, the biggest fear was that it would spread to my lungs. I couldn’t think, speak, nothing. I thought I was cancer free?!
We had to wait a whole week for the Sarcoma specialists at Duke to meet to review my tests and determine the best course of action. We had been told that it could include surgery, chemo or both. Just as in the beginning when we were waiting to know the severity of the disease, Todd and I both have had our moments of breakdown at the thought of our years together being cut short. I have cried and worried that I might never get to see my boys marry or meet my grandchildren. Those are the things that you despair over, it’s the people you love and the moments you want to be present for. As the person who is sick, you don’t want to be the reason a loved one is hurting, it is a helpless feeling. God knows this, he hears our prayers and knows our innermost thoughts. I repeat the scripture “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of peace, love and a sound mind” when I felt the worry creeping in.
We began to pray, our family began to pray and ask others to pray and so on and on. The worry and fear began to be replaced with a peace and calmness.
This past Thursday, my doctor called. He said that they had reviewed my scans and determined that one of the nodules was infection. The other 2 are questionable. I will have surgery on March 26th to have them removed and tested. If they are malignant, they will watch me very closely. If not, then the issue with my lungs will have been unrelated to my prior cancer. We continue to believe and trust God and are so grateful for the prayers that have been and are still being lifted up. Although this is still worrisome news, we are encouraged and our faith is strong.
On a lighter note, Todd and I are going on a long overdue honeymoon and vacation this week. We were both so busy with work when we married that we put it off, then my diagnosis came and we have……well….been a little pre-occupied. When this most recent twist came, we decided that some things are too important to keep putting off. So, we got online and made it happen. We leave for the Dominican Republic on Wednesday leaving our laptops and worries behind. Todd has been such an amazing husband and caregiver throughout all of this and needs the break as much, or more that I do. We are both so excited! Making the most of the moments with the ones we love, it doesn’t get much better than that. 💕