TGIF! I can say that for sure today. I finished my 4th consecutive day of chemo yesterday and got a shot and fluids today. I go in for bloodwork several times next week. I am also ecstatic to be done with the black backpack I have had to carry around every single day……every where I go…… every minute. It is filled with IV meds and fluids that continuously administered medications to protect my kidneys and liver from the chemo. So, yes, I need it….. No, I do not like it. I have lost count of the times I have gotten up and walked away to hear and feel it catch me.
So far, I am feeling very tired, no energy and finally understand the difference between normal fatigue and chemo fatigue. I have always been able to push through being tired but this is different. It’s a wall you hit that isn’t planning to move. I have slept more this week than in the past month combined and I am not as “with it” as usual. I’m just one week in so don’t know what next week will hold.
Then there is the normal nausea, heartburn, etc. I have never really had much reflux, etc. ever so this is a new misery. I will say it is annoying and painful. I am having trouble even getting fluid down. My doctor gave me some stronger medication today so hoping it helps…and soon!
Mom is holding up good, she is a trooper and a Godsend. Sitting with me for hours on end everyday this week is not easy. We have walked the halls of MD Anderson for miles and miles, jumped on shuttles, caught Uber and walked back and forth to the apartment. She has shouldered this with me the whole way! Caregivers work so hard and give of themselves. I am so thankful for my husband and for my Mom.
Speaking of husband, I miss him….. like no words, miss him!! He had a good first week in VA and will be there next week but I am SO counting the days until he gets here for Memorial Day Weekend! Sure, it’s not the summer kick-off we usually have and I will be missing The Crowe’s Nest like crazy.
I keep reminding myself that I am here for a purpose. That God lead me here as part of my healing and that along with this trial comes the wisdom and a closeness to God that I did not have before. God is working in my spirit, I feel it. In bed last night as I was trying to sleep, I managed to have a ‘dream”. I was in a yard or a park or something trying to pick up what looked like a metal piece of a car, like a metal art piece or something (weird, I know). As I struggled with it and jerked and pulled, I felt as if someone put their hand on my shoulder saying, “calm down, it’s not all up to you, let it be”. As I heard the words, I felt a release come over me and as I let go of the metal, it began to stand on it’s own and take shape as a metal piece you would see in a museum.
I have no clue what it means for sure or why but I do know that God is at work in my life. I also know that there are others going through similar situations themselves or with loved ones who need to feel this peace as well. I pray they do, in Jesus Name!
Thank you does not even begin to cover all of the texts, messages, notes and expressions of support we continue to receive. It brightens my day so many times, you have no idea. It has made me more aware of how we must uplift one another. I am more aware of what the smallest act of kindness can mean to someone when you obey God’s urging and reach out to a friend or a loved one. You may be the very thing that got them through the day. I know many of you have been that for me…. over and over again.
Goodnight from Houston!